Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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