im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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