it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well most of my day revolves around power hour
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
