Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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