how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
