Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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