Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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