Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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