I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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