is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
