He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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