I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"