Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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