Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.