I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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