i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
