You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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