I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
