we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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