so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
