i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
