We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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