Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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