I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
