watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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