Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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