these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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