Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
