I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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