Umm I'm too high to move.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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