Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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