oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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