4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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