My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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