This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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