Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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