At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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