Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
