I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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