It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
