We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
