I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize