you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
