Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
