this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she looked like the before picture.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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