My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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