If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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