I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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