My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
