You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
