I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
