I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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