btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
