It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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