Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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