You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
