you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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