I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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