At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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