idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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