that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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