People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
