Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
