Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
