I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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